Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Caught in the middle

I hate this. I hate being caught in the middle of a situation that, no matter which side I lean toward, I lose. I am trying to keep it all in perspective. I am trying to see what really matters isn't the here and now. It is difficult, though, to decide who is right. On one hand, I have a responsibility to the position I hold and to the President of the club. On the other hand, I have a dear Christian friend who has gone through more in the last 16 months than I would want to endure in my lifetime. Each are asking me to do different things. Each believe thay are justified in their requests. I see both sides and can see where both are coming from. Yet, one has to lose. Why is it cast on me to decide the loser? In ten years, none of this will make a difference. In ten years, everyone will have moved on and forgotten about the drama that is so painful and raw right now. But in the here and now, that is not seen. In the here and now, emotions are raw, anger is flared, and who is right is important. Is there a way to wriggle out of this? Perhaps an escape to the Rockies...living among the trees of the mountains...just nature and me. Aah, running away from the problem--the age old solution. But it really isn't a solution at all. I need to face this and figure out who should come out on top. Here I go---I am diving in.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

change in plans

Today was supposed to be all planned out. You know those times when you think one thing is going to happen, and then it doesn't? That is my today. A dear friend was supposed to come over today to teach Miss Musicwriter and myself how to sew. I have had a sewing machine sitting in my closet for at least 7 years now and I do not know how to use it, nor have I been able to figure it out on my own. Turns out, I won't be learning today either. She called this morning and is not feeling well. So, that leaves my whole day open. What I really want to do is go thrift store shopping but dh said no--we cannot spend any money right now. I understand. So, I have a whole Saturday to fill. I think I will start making a to-do list of things to fill it with. Right now I am headed to church to pick up Miss Bookworm from her confirmation retreat. Then, I see soccer paperwork in my future. We'll see though.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

busy, busy, busy

It seems I have been very busy lately. Many times each day I find myself too busy to talk to a friend on the phone, too busy to finish the day's school work with Miss Bookworm, too busy to plan meals for my family, too busy...you get the idea. Then, early this week, while "busy" on the computer, I realized that I wasn't really busy-- I was distracted, even bordering on lazy. Yes, I can come up with excuses like the best of them...I have pain filled nights which cause me to get little sleep so I am tired; I am the registrar for my community's travel soccer club and spring season is gearing up. I have forms to sort, data entry to complete, copies to make and all the other duties that come with my position. But I realized those were just that...excuses. I set my mind to not wasting time. I did really well up until today. Today I just felt off for some reason. It can't be the very long winter we are having--I love winter and find the new snowfall this week beautiful and exhilerating. In fact, I dread spring and summer more than anything. I still can't out my finger on what made today so difficult for me. Whatever it was, I hope it is gone tomorrow. The new job for dh starts Monday but he is going downtown tomorrow for some preliminary things. He has been home everyday for 4 months. It will be strange to have him gone everyday again yet it will also be a huge blessing. We did not get much school work accomplished while he was home and now Miss Bookworm is behind. He was quite the distraction since he was bored. Monday will be like a new year. So, looking back, I am climbing back on the wagon of using my time wisely and getting those things accomplished that God has set before me each day.