Drivers, start your engines!

No, not race car driving...life racing! It seems like every year by late July I am so ready for school to start. I guess I forget how extremely crazy these days get with all the driving back and forth to various places. I do enjoy fall and the cooler weather and especially apple season, but I am not a big fan of the driving kids to and from school, church, activities and the like. I catch myself thinking that in _________ number of years I will not have kids to transport, or subjects to teach, or asmuch laundry to do, or whatever the activity/chore may be. I know I will miss these days...I already find myself wishing back those busy, high energy days gone by. Last evening, Mr. Accountant and I went to an apple orchard. There are very few orchards in our area of this state that grow Macintosh apples. These apples happen to be the favorite of everyone in this house. This particular orchard is one we frequented every weekend when our kids were all under 12 years old. I remember playing on the hay stack, taking a wagon ride, walking the wooded trail, picking apples and buying cool things from the store and snack barn. I always wanted to live in a setting like that. We stopped patronizing this orchard when they began charging simply to walk onto the grounds. While we certainly expected to pay for merchandise, fruit and wagon rides, we disagreed with paying just to walk around a trail or play on the hay, especially since we always bought something while we were there. They currently charge only on the weekends so last night we made the drive there to get freshly picked Macintosh apples, compliments of Mr. Gameboy. The memories flooded as soon as we made the turn onto the country road and into the property. Strangely, though, the haystack didn't look as big as it did years ago, the trail seemed more full of mosquitos then fun, and we probably would have looked ridiculous climbing onto a hay wagon for a ride. Time has a way of changing things that once were so familiar, but my memories are always the same...boys and girls in jeans and workboots, climbing a haystack and daring mommy to throw them off. Now, Miss Musicwriter is not even living at home, and while she loves her dorm room, I miss her tremendously. Mr. Gameboy works two jobs and has no time for hay climbing. Mr. Well Rounded is busier than I can keep up with and lately has also been quite moody and disrespectful. Miss Bookworm, well, she has grown up beyond going anywhere with us that doesn't involve taking her to a friend's house. Yet, despite the fact that all of them have grown, they still expect so much of me. I guess it is what the role of mom is made of. Now, off to work on school subjects with Miss Bookworm before taking her back to the high school for musical auditions...then pick her and Mr. Well Rounded up for a quick dinner and then to church for youth group. Let the race begin.

curve balls and other flying objects

The injection went well. As I thought, it was not as painful as the last set but nonetheless, it triggered some back pain during the actual injection which was somewhat distressing. The spinal headache that hit afterwards was awful as well as the electric type shock pain down my right hip. The facial flushing that hit the next day was embarrassing but not painful. All in all, though, it was bearable. The jury is still out as to if it helped or not. I fill out a weekly response form on Thursday. Saturday and Sunday I felt like it may actually help but then last night when I got into bed, I was inpain again. Today has been off and on pain wise. Of course, the physical back pain would be more welcome then the financial pain that hit today...the curve ball. Long story short is that we have $95 for the next two weeks to live on after a garnishment hit Mr. Accountant's paycheck today as well as some overdraft fees we messed up on. I am sick of living this life like this andknow that we need to make changes. I am willing to do so...it is he and the offspring who are not quite so ready. Our kids want to live like a two income family when we are not that. It is going to mean serious cutbacks which no one is going to be happy about, especially Mr. Well Rounded who thinks he should get to do all he wants to do and not have a job because he is too busy. He is busy and I agree that most places would probably not work around his schedule...but then he has to settle for not being involved in everything under the sun. It hurts to tell him that though. As a parent I want to give him these things and let him be a kid. But it just isn't possible. I hate that, especially when others seem to get everything without any issues. Oh well, I have shed my quota of tears for today. Unemployment this year and getting Miss Musicwriter off to college really took a toll on our finances and now we pay a high price. Again.

Tomorrow is the day

Tomorrow is the day I get my epidural steroid injection. The actual procedure doesn't sound as bad as the last diagnostic procedure I went through...not as many needle pokes at least. I am nervous for sure. I just wish there was a fix for my back. There is not, though. Joint damage is not repairable, especially once arthritis has set in. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize I can live with this. It is just pain, and while pain is not something I enjoy (I am not one of those people!), it is something I can lean on God to help me with. There are some things that I have realized, would be much worse. Losing one of my children would be much more devastating than living with pain; losing my husband would as well. Losing my freedom to homeschool Miss Bookworm would be unbearable to me. Losing the awesome relationship I have with Miss Musicwriter even while she is away at college would be much more painful than a bad back. Having Mr. Well Rounded turn his back on God would devastate me. Losing the freedom to pray and read my Bible would be a horrendous experience. Yes, I would say I am pretty lucky actually--lucky to live (for now at least) in a country where I am free to worship, pray, read and memorize God's word, homeschool and live simply on one income. Thank you God for placing me in this country, in this place for such a time as this.

no better

The aforementioned injections were painful...pain second only to that of childbirth for me. I have had several severe lacerations, a few broken bones, sprains and the like but these injections were excruciating. The frustrating thing now is that the diagnostic injections I received did not give the results the doctor had hoped for so I do not qualify for the next step he wanted to take. Part of that does not bother me at all...the next step involved burning the nerve endings in my back so my brain would not get the pain message. This just sounds like something that should not be done. Instead, the doctor wants to go forward with an epidural steroid injection. This may give me 3 months of pain relief when I will need to have another. The cycle continues basically the rest of my life. I really do not consider this a solution. I do not have the time, every 3 months, to go in for injections and then rest 12-24 hours afterwards. I cannot drive for this procedure either, which also poses a problem. My husband is not able (or maybe willing) to take off for this. That means I need to rely on a friend since my daughter is now off living in her dorm at college and my son works daily at the apple orchard. I also homeschool Miss Bookworm and cannot afford to lose days to resting from an injection that may or may not help anyway. Frustration is building with this back issue. Pain is constant and getting worse and there is basically no cure for the joint damage. That in itself is hard enough but moving Miss Musicwriter to college has also got me down. I miss her SO much...I feel like I lost my best friend. She is loving it though and for that I am thankful.