"Don't know where to begin, feels like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear,
Where do I go from here?
Sometimes it's so hard to pray, You seem so far away,
I'm ready to go where You want me to,
God I trust You.
There's a raging sea right in front of me,
Wants to pull me in, drag me to my knees."
I heard this song yesterday while riding home from a visit with my daughter. I have heard the song many times but yesterday the words struck me hard. You see, lately I have been struggling with fear.
How will we make the payments Mr. Well Rounded's college requires each month when we are already struggling?
How can I handle another child leaving the nest?
How can I drive to ____________ when I am so afraid of something happening?
How can I let Miss Bookworm get her license? What if something happens?
How can I work a job and homeschool? How can I even find a job?
How do I deal with a hurtful situation?
The list could go on. I have realized lately just how much fear I live in everyday. I told my husband last week that I could easily see myself succumbing to my fears and never leaving the house. I fret when I get in a car sometimes over what may happen.
Yet, God's Word clearly tells me not to fret--not to be afraid. My head knows that. My heart is struggling with it.
Then I heard this song...God I trust You. Do I? Do I really trust God to work all things for my good? I say I do but do I really? As I contemplated the words to the song, I realized for the first time how literally blessed I am because I am a child of God. He didn't have to choose me. He could have passed over me and chosen someone more worthy--someone who didn't worry so much or fret or fear so much, but He didn't. He allowed me to hear His voice calling me. I am incredibly thankful to God for that. The next part of the song?
"So let the waters rise if you want them to.
I will follow you. I will follow you.
I will swim in the deep, cause You'll be next to me.
You're in the eye of the storm in the calm of the sea.
You're never out of reach."
God's never out of reach. He never sleeps, vacations, abandons or lets down. As God said to Joshua, "Fear not. As I was with Moses so will I be with you."
Now, to get that into my heart and not just my head. Pressing on through the fear to what God has for me to do...