reminder?

Lord,
Remind me again why I homeschool? I truly believe for this child you have called me to do this. She struggles to learn, Lord, and I am afraid if I put her in public school she would be one of those students who fall through the cracks...not "bad" enough to attract the attention of a teacher but not "good" enough to get the grades she desperately wants to get.

I also am inclined to think that she would become like those around her to gain favor with her peers. I have seen this even at home with the few friends she has had. Sometimes, her social pendulum swings entirely in the opposite direction and she refuses to be sympathetic to activities that her friends wish to do, even those activities which are acceptable. She certainly likes her own space quite often.

I enjoy those days when she is into what we are learning or discussing. I remember fondly the day we walked to Holiday and talked the entire way there and back about modest dress and modest living that pleases You. On that day, my heart was overflowing with joy that she is home to have those conversations and that I am the one to influence those decisions.

But other days, Lord, like yesterday and today, when the tears flow or the attitude kicks in, I wonder if I am doing the right thing. She is easily frustrated, especially with math and the Algebra 1 we are trying to work through right now. In my heart I too sometimes wonder why we spend our time on this subject. I doubt she will ever use it unless she decides to homeschool her own children someday. By then, her brain will be more developed and chances are she will "get it". That is what happened to me. I struggled with Algebra in high school and never used it again until we were called by You to homeschool. First, Mr. Gameboy, the following year Miss Bookworm herself and then Miss Musicwriter and Mr. Well Rounded. I have taught Algebra 3 times now and am attempting to plow through it this year for the last time.

But this is taxing, Lord. The tears and the frustration and the shutting down really get to me. I love her, Lord. I know she is a blessing from you. But Homeschooling is difficult most days.

I guess your ministry was difficult most days as well though. Crowds followed you everywhere and one day they loved you; the next day they turned on you. That is how I sometimes feel, Lord...like I am being turned against by my child. If You can suffer for your calling, then I can suffer for mine as well. At least mine will not end in an agonizing death--at least I don't think it will!

Thank you Lord, for speaking to me as I type this letter to you. Thank you for the reminder in my spirit that Miss Bookworm is a gift from you and that You have a perfect plan for her life. I don't know how homeschooling and Algebra fit into your plan, Lord, but I am called to continue this journey we started 6 years ago. Forgive me for relying on my own strength to see me through and help me to rely on yours alone.