Pondering Christmas

It is that time of year again. It has been for some time I guess. The time of year when television commercials turn to toys and luxury cars with big red bows on the top, of red and green M&M's and alcohol for party mixers. Sales abound at nearly every store. Some of the deals are very difficult to pass up. Yet, passed up they will be, at least by this blogger. Our financial woes have continued and maybe even worsened so there is preciosu little money for extras. While I never considered Christmas to be an "extra", Mr. Accountant does. I have avoided going out as much as possible since being in the stores and seeing all the Christmas stuff puts me in the mood to buy. Christmas for me is not about getting. Yes, when I was a younger child and teen, that was first and foremost on my mind. My mom made sure that every wish and whim was granted on that magical morning. I remember having so many presents piled under the tree for my brother and me that we had nowehere to even sit to open them all. I did the same thing for my kids; after all, it was all I knew. Even in past years of financial hardship, we always spent more on Christmas than we should and we always bought things that weren't necessarily needed. I justified it as being necessary--it was Christmas and kids need a big, magical day they would always remember. This year, though, there is no way to do this. There are no credit cards, no savings account, no 401k to borrow from. There is barely money to buy groceries. Of course our kids aren't little anymore. They should understand, and maybe they do (although I have my doubts), but I don't want to understand it. Even though I know Christmas isn't supposed to be about the gifts, it has always been and my heart is breaking that this year I cannot go out and buy and give.

Yet, in my sadness and sense of loss over what has always been my favorite season, I wonder if this is a lesson that God has been trying to teach me for a long time. Could it be that so many of my new blog-world friends are writing about simple, homemade Christmases by happenstance? Could it be God is showing me, again, that we are blessed beyond so many in this world. We have a home, we have heat (this comes in handy on this -7 degree day), we have two running automobiles--not new by any means, but running. Mr. Accountant has a job this Christmas. We have food and hopefully will be able to have a special holiday meal. We will all be together this Christmas (assuming Miss Musicwriter does not get stuck at school due to weather). In fact, when I asked the kids at home still what they wanted for Christmas, Mr. Well Rounded said the only thing he wants is for Miss Musicwriter to be home and not stuck at school. That made me feel warm and fuzzy--for a little bit anyway. Then the commercials and advertisements online and in my e-mail box came again, jarring me back to harsh reality. Would they really be happy with a simple Christmas? Maybe I should say WILL they be? Because, most likely, that is what we are going to end up with despite my not being very happy about it.