not getting it

I am defnitely not getting it. The "it" I am referring to is whatever lesson God is trying to teach me in this season. I have submitted to Him in as much as I know for sure what He has asked of me. I homeschool a child who is very difficult to teach. I homeschooled another who was the same way. I homeschooled the middle two when it became clear that their bright minds and love of learning was being squelched. I have given the desire for a new vehicle to God and today even found myself thanking Him for the old van I drive. I stay home as much as possible so as not to spend money we shouldn't. I prepare meals--a chore I am not very fond of at all. Why, then, has God still forsaken us in this area? Why do we never have enough to cover the things that need to be paid? To buy groceries? To get birthday gifts or Christmas gifts? To cover the cost of school fees for activities? Why has God chosen to make us miserable in this area over and over again? Could he possibly be telling me that I shouldn't be homeschooling this daughter? Should she be in school and I at a job? How would that even work then? I am frustrated beyond all belief. I feel abandoned by God, yet somewhere deep within me I know that is just a feeling and should not be trusted. I feel so alone as well...I cannot give into these feelings.