Old cat lady

I think I should have been an old cat lady instead of a mom. When I was younger, my dream was to get married and have many kids. I thought I would be a terrific mom. I envisioned giggles and laughs as I played with my brood of kids and then the squeals of delight I would hear when daddy came home from work and swooped them all up and loved them. Their dad would dote on them while I prepared a wonderful home cooked meal and then we would share happy family time until they went to bed and I spent the rest of the evening with my beloved. POP! That bubble burst and with it, all my dreams and plans. Instead, I married someone who, while not a horrible dad, certainly doesn't show much interest in the kids beyond attending their activities. I seldom have time to prepare nice meals with all the running I have to do. I actually do not consider myself a very good mom at all. I have raised kids who have little sense of responsibility and believe that things should be done for them and handed to them. While they get good grades, we have not been without our share of troubles, both familial and legal, brought on by a few of them. They often have bad attitudes and two of them seem to want nothing to do with God anymore. I am thinking instead of getting married and having children, I should have stayed single and been a crazy cat woman. I could easily take care of 10 cats--much better than I am doing with 4 kids. Cats would love me and only expect love in return. They wouldn't break my heart by doing things they know are wrong. I wouldn't have to worry about them driving or who they marry or why they aren't home when they are supposed to be. I wouldn't have to have my heart broken again and again because I know that I have failed in so many ways as a mom. If only I had been a better mom in the early years. If only I wasn't so hard on myself.