reaping

There is so much going on in my life right now. I am feeling the need to step back...to pull away from life for a bit and to organize my thoughts and priorities. Unfortunately, I cannot do this. I still have a family who cannot function on their own. I don't get this. I am my parents' youngest child. By the time I was fourtenn, the age of my youngest child now, I was able to do things for myself. I did not need reminding to do homework and actually turn it in, to fix a lunch if I was hungry, or the host of other things it seems my children cannot do for themselves. In fact, the most dependent soul my mom had to deal with was my dad. He was, it seemed, unable to do the easiest things for himself. My husband is a lot like this as well, but I have the addition of 3 kids (Miss Musicwriter is away at college), a dog and a cat. Sometimes the demands on me get so overwhelming, especially when someone needs to yell at someone else and I am always the one chosen...regardless if I had anything to do with it or not. At times like this, and this is one of them, discouragement runs very high. I want so badly to run away and just be by myself for a while. Oh, but I cannot. I need to stay and tend to this dependent group that I have created. Maybe that is what is really bothering me---I have created this mess myself by indulging them their whole lives. I guess I am reaping what I have sown in many ways. In the meantime, I count my blessings that they are healthy and intelligent enough to someday learn that it isn't all about them...yes, even my husband could stand to learn this lesson. Soon, I hope. I never said patience was my gift.